i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
