Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
