If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
