areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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