I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
