Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
