I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
