the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
