im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
