I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
