The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
