just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you never un-have a 4some
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
