Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
