I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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