White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
