either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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