tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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