new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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