I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
