i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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