My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
