Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
