ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
