Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
