I wish you could order shots online.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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