turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
