my vag is so smooth its legendary
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
