the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
