If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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