you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
