Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
