Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
