I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
