Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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