This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
