i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
