I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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