Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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