i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
