She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
