you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
