I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
