I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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