Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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