You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
