Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
