so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
