so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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