By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize