People in love make me want to vomit
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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