Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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